So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
