dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sex in the backyard? Check.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
