Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
