She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
