i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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