You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
