I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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