So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
