I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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