I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
