She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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