I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
