i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
