i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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