dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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