Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
