maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
