You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They have beer where we have blood.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
