Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
