im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
