I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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