1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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