walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
