"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
