I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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