Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
