I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
