No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
