Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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