Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
love makes seman taste better
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
