We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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