I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
