dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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