shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
