nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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