His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
