Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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