I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
