i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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