So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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