Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
