On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
