I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
