Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
