gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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