I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
