dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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