Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
