im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's always time for handjobs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
