I need help removing her.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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