I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
