he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
